enough movies and all that since then and speeches and gotten very heavily involved in promoting the environment and so on, but nothing is the same anymore because my personal life has been destroyed. and so -- and destroyed because of stupidity, bad decision making, and huge failure on my part. and made a lot of people suffer because of that. so all of that is always on my mind. >> have you been taken aback by the extremity of some of the reaction? people treating you almost will like a mass murderer, you know, how dare you commit this hideous crime, when actually you did what millions of men have done. i'm not excusing it, defending it, anything. i'm just trying to put it into some type of context, that at times you've been so battered by this. have you felt it's been too much or not? >> you know, i never tell the press what to write and what to say. i mean, they do what they do, and i do what i do. you know, i think that it is my doing. they didn't create the story. no one out there created the story. i created it. it's my doing. now, i did not ever experience the severity that you just expla